Not much time to write, but some recent pictures!

Skating

We went ice skating on Mill Pond this weekend. The boys have been going regularly with Peter but William and I went along this time and enjoyed the activity from the sidelines. So much fun to see my guys enjoying themselves.

While there I had the opportunity to meet a boy Noah has skated with a couple of times, a nice "older" kid who was there with his Mom. You know when you have the opportunity to meet seemingly really great kids, and you want to pull their parents aside and question them about their parenting and what they did to get those nice kids? I know we've just met, I wanted to say to his mother, but would you mind telling me exactly what you did to get him to be like this? His family has just moved to town, he is in Middle School but/and was so friendly and down to Earth. Relaxed talking to adults, not bothered by a 5 year old following him around wanting to play. Of course, I'm sure their story is complicated just like every one's. But his kindness stood out to me.

This simple experience was uplifting for me, and I've been in need of some lift. It meant a lot to Noah to have this older boy treat him so kindly. It was a meaningful reminder to me that the world is filled with great kids who are growing into great adults. It's not all bad, truly. Don't be so afraid. Life can be unbelievably difficult sometimes, in ways I hope to never know, but it is also filled with wonderful. God's grace is there, waiting for us, sometimes you just have to look around a bit to find it. Sometimes it shows up as a kind pre-teen who brings joy to your son just by being kind to him. I'll take it.

Finally some time outdoors! We have been passing around sickness for the past few weeks and are having a hard time getting rid of our various illnesses. The fresh air does us good.

The big boys were outside playing the other day but I was trying to keep baby William in due to his cold. He stood, yes stood, at the door crying while watching his big brothers play outside. It was warm enough that I decided to bundle him up and bring him out, as well. He was so happy to be outside with his completely adored older brothers.

The love these boys share, gets me every time. Of course they share a lot of other emotions, too, but why pay that too much attention...

Judgment

Of myself mostly, and others. It's a no-win trap, and destructive. And I'm making a commitment to myself and my family to let go of it.

I never fit in very easily with mainstream society. My family was "different" as a child, and I had a handful of issues that I struggled with that made thriving difficult for me. After lots of therapy and hard work I had found a pretty comfortable place as an adult. I was relatively confident, felt good about myself and my life. I let go of the drive for perfection and concern about what others thought of me. And then I became a Mom.

I've never wanted anything more than I want this. This time in my life. I never dreamed of a big fancy wedding or McHouse. But this, this...

My love for my kids is profound, and I have learned that it is important to me that other people understand this somehow. Too important. This is where the concern about what others think of me and the choices I make comes in, and I'm ready to let it go. So I'm going to put on my very big girl pants, and walk forward as the woman I want my boys to know. Proud, but not bogged down by pride. And capable of letting go of what I imagine a really good mother to look like in order to celebrate the mother I am, and therefore the family we are.

We're not all of anything, but we are everything. Don't try to classify us, it won't work. I like it better that way. We're 32 flavors, at least. Ya know? So in order to be happy, I will let go of my insistence that I be a "good" Mom, and instead choose to be a happy Mom. A happy Mom who does not need the approval of others to feel successful.

I have this funny scenario in my head where my very insightful son is watching me struggle to bake bread, knit a hat, and make a delicious home made dinner, all while feeling pretty stressed out and inadequate. He would suggest I make boxed mac and cheese and sit down and relax. We like boxed mac and cheese, Mom. "Enough about you and what you need, don't you know a really good Mom makes everything from scratch?!" Not anymore. This scenario is a metaphor, but you get my drift. Join me in letting go. I'll still bake and knit, but I'll do it with joy. On our terms, without concern. I might also invite you over to my house to eat boxed dinner off paper plates.

You'll see my new sign, reading "Welcome to our home. Unconditional love lives here, all others need not apply."

Time with GG,

experiments with electricity,

snuggling with Grandma,

delicious food.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thankfulness abounds around these parts. Big, big thankfulness. Love to all of our friends and family who were not with us to celebrate.
Blessings to you all...

The smiling eyes of a baby looking up to find his big brother. Big love...

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth "you owe me." A love like that lights the whole world." ~ Hafiz


Read this on someones Mothering signature today and just had to share.